The right to be ignored. Is that what I'm looking for? When I suddenly, after making it a lifelong habit of ignoring it, notice and become incensed by staring, is that why? When I choose to share the story with an empathetic friend is that why? Now I'm hollowed out from a long couple of hours with the kids and that same friend calls to say he's been thinking about what I said. Huh. So while receiving his advice a toddler enters the room screaming at me to spin something. Ah, there it is again the desire to be ignored. Not indefinitely just for the short term. I wonder if that Potter kid rents out the cape.
My whole life I've been wishing the other people at the store would become uninterested in the lady walking in her funny way down the aisles. They don't and on an average day I tune them out completely. On a great day, I may even mess with them a bit, but on a bad day...on a bad day I wish they would disappear. Maybe I've had it exactly backwards. Certainty having kids brings on this desire on a pretty regular basis.
Respect and listen to me, but for the love of God let me use the bathroom for 2min without an audience. I remember a moment when I was in middle school that I was taking my time about going to the bathroom. I mean like an extra 30 seconds nothing excessive and a friend knocked to ask if everything was ok. Does that happen to the able bodied? I know it happens to every mother of two. Everything from I'm bleeding profusely from the head to what's for dinner warrants a knock on the bathroom door.
As an actress I never wished to be ignored and had the contrary desire. As a human being who happens to be disabled and later as a mother I have often silently prayed I could be invisible. I know there are disability advocates who say staring is good, because being noticed is good. Right. Sure. Only I am not the disabled population of the world I am just a girl in grocery store. I am grateful that I can get out and about on my own have been my whole life, but some days I don't want to feel like I'm on display.
I am also grateful to spend so much time with my healthy, happy kids. I still want privacy for a trip to the bathroom or a phone call now and then. Pretend I'm not here. Just get all zombified and sucked into Mickey Mouse at an opportune moment for me instead when we're running out the door late for something. I was never late before I had kids, sigh.
I digress, staring is ok if you're under 5 or if it's a precursor to a social interaction. Like, "Sorry to stare, but you're hair is on fire" or even "That is a fabulous dress."