Yes, I said with not for. I had a list in my 20's that changed (or been filed away)when I moved in with Mike. Then once Mike and I had been through some up's and downs I made another list: 1)Bigger House with Backyard 2)Marriage 3)Baby 4)Steady(ish) Financial Situation. Wouldn't you know it I got all that. Not in the way or timing I had anticipated, but here it all is. I've been walking around all glow-y and happy for a few weeks. Hurray us! Things are good.
Then I start to feel the stillness. I am very happy. I have few regrets these days. I just feel less productive without long term goals. I'm used to the struggle. This quiet contentment is a bit like an itchy new sweater. I'm still happy don't get me wrong, but now I'm antsy. I have short term goals like learning to use my sewing machine and ditching the crutches but I've had my eye on the prize in the distance so long it's strange.
There's no more "almost there" we're here. I'm quite happy being a stay at home mom now that I've gotten over it not being my choice and I can see getting back to work in the not so distant future as a reality. There's always room for improvement, goals to meet and projects, but there aren't anymore major milestones looming. I'm a grown-up, married, mother of two. Now all the milestones will belong to the kids.
I'm not complaining either, I'm quite content with that idea. Darn it. It's just not what I'm used to. I've been fighting so hard for so long that when there's stillness I feel guilty that I'm not doing more. I'm trying to be more in moment and push myself less. I may even get used to it...