I went to the doctor today, armed with my planner so we could schedule the hip replacement. I may not be in control of... well anything in my life right now, but my left hip has betrayed me for the last time and it is outta here!
I've said it before and I'll say it again I'm wrong a lot. The MRI gave a clear image for the first time in over ten years because there's no more hardware in there. Wouldn't you know it, I'm not the only one who was wrong. We did not schedule a hip replacement because the Ortho's diagnosis was wrong.
Don't get me wrong it's bad just not the exact kind of bad we thought it was. I was stunned. My whole course of treatment thus far (back surgery, hardware removal from my hip, all the physical therapy, the tests) was based on an incorrect diagnosis. Now I know how the patients on House feel. Not that I'm dying, but chronic pain and a toddler at home isn't really living.
The Ortho insists I go for a second opinion. He doesn't want to do anything more until someone else looks at me. Ugh. My medical history is so complicated and no one takes my insurance. My other choice, which isn't really an option, is to give up.
I can just stop perusing a solution. I can load up on the cortisone injects which we thought killed the circulation in my hip in the first place. I can pop pain pills which will make me apathetic to the pain without relieving it. Someday when I can no longer bare weight at all I can just stop walking.
Are House and I the only ones who care WHY this is happening? Or how to stop it? I was wrong about both my medical issues, but having no answers for the moment feels scary and hopeless. I've been through this before and I know how hard it will be to be heard. I know how much work is involved in getting answers. Damn it.
I wish I could give up, but that would require a lobotomy and I'm maxed on surgeries for one lifetime. Maybe, 80's movies and chocolate will inspire an enlightened new plan or at least trippy dreams.