I had enough pain to be grateful for my strength, enough tears to cherish the laughter and enough love to keep going. I missed my body before all the pain, my life before the baby, my career before Mike, my parents before the divorce, but overall I was so grateful to be in a much better place than 2009 and (hopefully) on the road to lasting recovery.
I had exactly zero desire to ring in 2011 at a party New Years Eve so of course a babysitter materialized. I decided I couldn't no matter how tired pass up a night out without the kids. So I packed up some pajamas for the kiddos and one of their new movies and dropped them off with Grandpa and Grandma shortly after 7pm.
Dates are so few and far between we always have to get used to the aloneness for a bit. We went to a sushi place for dinner. The same restaurant we had been to almost a year earlier with a tiny newborn Riley. That first trip I did far less eating than sitting in the car breastfeeding. They had refused to make a reservation for a party of two on New Years Eve, but told me I was on the "wait list." Upon arriving I discovered that we weren't on any lists, but that there was informed "only one party ahead of us." The minutes passed and we watched what seemed like an endless parade of people come and go from the restaurant. Just when we began to wonder if we'd been forgotten we were seated.
I was told when Riley was about 2mo old to attempt to have a 5-10min discussion with Mike without talking about the kids. I think 15 months later we finally did it! Mind you most of the conversation found it's way to the kids, but in the form of lighthearted funny moments instead of the usual daily logistics. It was a nice dinner, worth the wait. Sitting the length of time it takes to get served at a restaurant is a challenge for my inflexible back and I was very worn out after we ate. It seemed too early to pick up the kids so we went home where I laid down and Mike checked his email, party animals all the way.
We went to get the kids around 9:45 and Riley was out cold in the pack and play as expected and Isaac was buzzing around in his super hero pajamas. They were surprised that we were back so soon, but I could tell they were ready for bed too.
We got the kids home to bed and Mike woke me up at midnight for a kiss. Happy New Year!!